Developing Emotional Resilience in Children

Negative Habits of Mind greatly fuel emotional discomfort. These negative habits of mind include self-downing, the need to be perfect, the need for approval, the ‘I can’t do it’ or ‘I can’t be bothered’ mindsets and being intolerant of others. This week, I would like to continue sharing some strategies from the You Can Do It Program, which may help eliminate or balance these negative mindsets.

The need for approval can be detrimental to a child developing resilience.

To Eliminate ‘Needing Approval’

In order to help a child who is overly concerned with what others think about them, you should find an opportunity to explain that while it is nice to be liked and approved of, you do not need the approval of teachers or friends all the time. The following should be communicated:

“There are very few things we actually need in life and these include food, shelter and clothing. It may feel like we cannot stand it when someone disapproves of something we did or that it is the worst thing in the world to be teased or criticised. However, it is important to know that while it is not pleasant, it is something that you can put up with and survive.” 

You should emphasise to your child that while it is preferable to try to be accepted and approved of, it is equally important to be ‘independent’ and to try new things even if others think you are silly. Try to eliminate your child’s dependency on seeking your assistance with schoolwork and their fear of being criticised for not having done it well enough.

Suggestions to eliminate your child’s needs for approval include:

• Encourage your child to complete his/her schoolwork independently. If your child has a question, you should use the Praise, Prompt and Leave procedure (e.g. say something positive about what you child knows or has done, provide a brief prompt about the next step and then walk away).
• Recognise your child when they complete work independently.
• Teach your child not to judge or evaluate his/her work until after a certain period of time.
• Don’t give your child too much attention when he/she expresses negative feelings about work.
• Encourage your child to participate in social activities, rather than avoid them.
• Acknowledge your child when he/she has ‘survived’ being in social situations he/she experienced as stressful. Say: “See, you are strong enough to put up with unpleasantness”.

Mr David Druery, Head of Staff and Students P-5