Developing Emotional Resilience In Children

Emotional resilience means knowing how to stop yourself getting extremely angry, down or worried when something ‘bad’ happens. It means being able to calm down and feel better when you get very upset. This week I would like to continue to share some strategies from the You Can Do It Program, which may help to eliminate or balance the negative mindsets that detract from children developing resilience.

Eliminating ‘I Can't Do It’ Thoughts

In order to combat this type of negative, pessimistic thinking, explain to your child that he/she has a choice in how to think about things that have happened and about the future. Explain that when something bad happens, such as getting a low grade at school, your child has a choice whether they think negative thoughts or positive thoughts.

• Examples of negative ‘I Can’t Do It’ thoughts: “No one likes me. I’m not good at anything. It’s all my fault. Things will never change. I’ll always be hopeless with friends/in my work”.
• Examples of positive ‘I Can Do It’ thoughts: “Next time things will be different. I know that if I do things differently and try harder, I am more likely to be successful next time”.

Explain to your child that ‘I Can’t Do It’ thinking leads to feeling very down when bad things happen and can cause us to stop trying and withdraw. Other suggestions for eliminating a child’s negative type of thinking include:

• When your child is faced with difficult work, encourage them to think of the last time they were successful at doing something they didn't think they could do. Then, encourage your child to think: “I did it before, I can do it again”.
• Evaluate your child’s progress based on what he/she has learned, rather than comparing them with other children.
• Praise your child at those times when he/she continues working towards their goals or finishing work after experiencing difficulty or setbacks.
• Before commencing a difficult task, remind your child to eliminate the ‘I Can’t Do It’ thoughts and focus on developing a positive mindset of ‘I will probably be successful’.
• Model the two types of thinking to your child. For example, “I have to learn more about how to use a computer. I can think: ‘I’m hopeless at doing these things and I’ll probably never learn’ or I can think: ‘If I try my best, I’ll probably be successful’”. You could discuss the different impact these two types of thinking will have on your feelings and motivation.

Mr David Druery, Head of Staff and Students P-5